It’s Magic it’s magic

Beware all ye die hard Harry potter fans, i am about to commit serious blasphemy here, so turn back now lest your eyes and ears shrivel as though targetted by a well-aimed hex…

All said and done, the last book of THE series is a serious let down. I think dear JK Rowling watched a good 2 or 3 heavy bollywood potboilers and at the end of it, her cup of feelings ran over into her pen. The 1 book does more campaigning and championing for the Bollywood cause than those rolling swiss alps or multicoloured dupattas or those simpering, doe-eyed heroines.You have the super-triumvirate in the book- pyar, wafaa, qurbani. Not to mention double-crossing, full fledged war, love triangles, soppy maudlin sentimentality, faith, loyalty, jealousy, remorse. At the backbone of which is the super-tried and tested good vs evil angle. And yeah…..there’s also good ol’ resurrection interspersed with drama unending to give the tv soaps a run for their froth.Also typical of the standard hindi movies is the bumping off of people without apparent cause  – 1st Ch, bump him off, 2nd Ch, two more, 3rd Ch oh, are they still alive? and so on(ok, maybe she had a point, to rid the tale of the dead-weight of characters which couldn’t lend more reason to the story), the narration of past history by antagonist to protagonist (or vice versa) before the climax. then there are bhoots and also a ‘bees saal baad’ scene, and the requisite number of people turning over a good leaf. And also plain old hero-giri….”sacrifice to save the world.”

In the end, you have a feeling of sitting through a fast-paced, action packed movie which doesnt bother to go slow for the viewers benefit, instead rushes through with the only intention of reaching the climax, letting its actions and stunts speak for themselves. which unfortunately, fall below the precedent set by the earlier books. Who cares if Ron can suddenly speak Parseltongue, or Harry can hurl out the Unforgivable curses with extreme proficiency, if it all helps in the end?

Rowling sadly, sadly disappoints in this most awaited of books. i just wish Hermione would rise up from the pages and cast a charm to erase what’s been written. There’s always a second chance, eh?

I am dead!

McAfee bumped me off. And then gave me the hope of resurrection, for 3 years more. I don’t doubt their intentions, maybe they will give me the chance to renew again at the end of that period.
Totally funny. I needed to laugh, and i got this ->  McAfee

After all, what cost life, huh?

Kan you beat it?

Read this.
I can foresee a very scary future, when Ekta Kapoor will take over the entire television industry of all countries. No language will be a barrier for her. Her actors (and will their tribe increase? Oh yes, you bet!) will intone dialogues in all dialects, with as minium facial expressions as possible. I see hi-society housewives the world over -okay okay, before anyone accuses me of class distinctions, let me correct myself- housewives across all financial strata the world over will be sipping their afternoon teas (or coffees. or anything else) and remarking on the lastest twist in the tale of their favo(u)rite soap. Forget Baywatch, K-Watch will become the new phenomenon. Her serials will ofcourse not forget their humble origins, and will bear names true to character. The following are very plausible names now – Klick; Kan’t you see they are made for each other?; Kan we be ever apart?; Kwite the love story; Koz i live in your eyes; Killbert Cottage; Kan do won’t do; Kirk came late for the pooja….my imagination runs amok here. Take your pick folks.
The stories will also be based strictly on the country of telecast. So you will have bikini babes as bahus, local hunks as sons, hip and stylish grannies as (i am at a loss…) grannies? They will all play tennis together, take out food together from McDee’s, bump into each other at the local pub and so on. I am curious though, will shooting in foreign locales in this case, mean shooting in India? Hmm.

With such a Krisp and Knuckle-headed takeover of the idiot box, my only advice is ……All ye sane people, run for kover..i mean, cover.

Laughing the blues away

Was on the listening end of a funny phone conversation recently. I called up my med-care insurance helpline to report that i was still without an ID card from them. Reproduced here is the original unabridged version (fyi, FunnyGal is her, not me. )

FunnyGal : This is Carol from … How can i help you?

IrateGal : Hi, i have a small problem. i am an employee of … (Duh, i signed an NDA. You expect me to reveal the name??) i haven’t recived my ID card till date, though i  updated my address in your records a month back, and sent follow-up emails.

FunnyGal : Can you tell me your em-plllloy-eeeee id? (She sang out the last word in a lil tune.)

IrateGal : Yes, it is …

FunnyGal : Can you please confirm your primary address?

IrateGal : (Lil confused now) Er..you want my email address? (Oh man! Why do i have so many email IDs? Which one does she want??)

FunnyGal : Home address. Yes. Do you have a home? Uh hmm. (The last part was said with the quiet self-confidence of a person asking all the right questions)

LittleLessIrateGal : (Press ‘mute’, laugh hard, ‘unmute’) Yes, i do. (Do they think me a destitute living on the streets, but rich enough to invest in a medical plan? Damn!)

To ban or not to ban

‘High heels should be banned’, said my male colleague after entire days of listening to ‘clackety-clacks’ on the hard floor outside our bay. i couldnt agree more. Nothing is more annoying than those sharp sounds going to and fro with irritating regularity (we unfortunately happen to sit near the drinking-water trough, plus, it gives sound bytes about who’s going where when and how many times). However, to lend more weight to the cause, i propose the following list of things which should be banned. No matter is too small for my notice, and so you shall find variety in this list-

# Wearing hawaii-an shirts to work…it spreads the holiday mood. No one works then.
# Putting the room temperature regulator within reach of 3 or more people. No sooner does one reduce the temp, than another cranks it up. So it continues until the end of day. The winner (of only the battle) is the one who leaves last, for the war continues in full swing the next day. A totally unintended side effect is that the temperature varies from glacial cold to hellish simply by the icy looks and furious glances of the warriors.
# Admin assistants not replenishing the stationery supply cabinets. Often results in minor warfare over the last remaining pen or notepad.
# The cleaners coming at 5 sharp to clean the office area. They dust nonchalantly around you, while chewing gum and jabbering away on their cell phones, going into corners you dont tread for fear of lumbago and arthritis. You have to keep moving in front of them, lest they mistake you for part of the office furniture and dust over you. Wouldn’t blame them either, office furniture is so abstract and retro nowadays.
# Uncovered parking lots in front of offices. Such madness!! Would you like your employees come indoors in the winter, shaking like aspen leaves and looking white as though they had seen a ghost or were trying to impersonate one? Someday, they might just all freeze outside and you’d have abominable snowmen with cute white cars adorning your parking lot until next summer.